i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
