Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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