sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
