My balls are so social today.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
