Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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