but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
