Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
