he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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