Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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