I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
