i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
