Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
