Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
