Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
