Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
