the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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