it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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