you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
