I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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