She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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