how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
