office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
