im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
