Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
