I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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