I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
