You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
