if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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