don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
