I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
