I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
