I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
