somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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