my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
