Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
