I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
