I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
