dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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