Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
