She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
