That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize