Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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