The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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