i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
