i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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