just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
