My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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