If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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