Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The uberlube is also flammable
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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