My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
