I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize