We're facebook friends in real life
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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